子どもが人生の岐路に立ったとき、親はどのようなサポートをすべきか悩むことがあります。親が選ぶ道と子供が選ぶ道が違う場合、子供の意志を尊重するかどうかも悩まれます。子供が受験を諦めて自分の意志を貫く場合、親としてどう対応すべきかについての意見がある一方で、子供の失敗も人生経験と捉える声もあります。重要なのは、親が子供をサポートし、子供の意志を尊重しながら、問題や困難に立ち向かう姿勢を共に持つことです。
When a child stands at a crossroads in life, how do you offer support? You may find yourself struggling with whether to respect the path your child chooses, especially if it differs from the one you would choose as an adult. This was a question posed by a mother in the Mamasta community. Introduction.
“Is it okay for my daughter to take the entrance exam for the high school she wants to attend?” We had planned for her to take the high school entrance exam, but when she was in 6th grade, she suddenly decided not to take the exam and transferred to a different high school. The reputation of the school she was attending wasn’t great, and when I thought about giving up on the high school entrance exam, I asked myself, “Is this really okay?” However, my daughter’s decision remained unchanged. The same goes for when she was choosing a club activity at the high school. Respecting my daughter’s opinion often leads to failure in most cases. I am currently struggling with choosing a school for her high school entrance exam. Is it okay to continue respecting the will of a girl who keeps repeating failures?”
The poster’s daughter is a high school entrance exam student. She seems to have a high school she wants to attend, but it’s far away, so she would have to live in a dorm. The poster seems to prefer her daughter to attend a local high school for convenience, but there is a difference in opinion between the parent and the child.
According to the poster, her daughter gave up on taking the high school entrance exam and instead enrolled in a local high school but experienced bullying in a club activity. The poster feels that her daughter’s decisions always end in failures. Should the poster continue to respect her daughter’s will? How did other mothers in the Mamasta community respond to this mother’s dilemma? Their voices are shared.
Who decides a child’s life…?
“It’s your daughter’s life, right? She must decide for herself.”
“Isn’t it normal for individuals to decide on things like high school entrance exams and club activities?”
The mothers shared opinions such as “It is the child who naturally decides on their life, not the parent” and “You should continue to respect your daughter’s will as before.” The poster seems to be worried that even if her son enters the desired high school, he might drop out and not graduate. Living in a dorm away from home can be worrisome. Despite discussing with her family, her daughter’s will remains unchanged, and this trend seems to be a cause of concern.
Isn’t this more of a life experience than a failure?
“Isn’t this happening because of your daughter’s choices?” We don’t know if she would have been harassed if she had been in a different club. We don’t know if going to high school would have been enjoyable if she had taken the entrance exam. “There are various types of children at that age, from big to small.”
“Isn’t it because you see him as a failure? It’s not failure; it’s a life experience. Hasn’t she gained wonderful life experiences? All of those are nourishment for her life. You have made your decisions again. He has the courage to do what he fears would be considered a failure. All you have to do is support them and watch over them.”
One mother questioned the poster’s view of failure. Whatever decision is made in life, problems will always arise. The mothers present stated, “First and foremost, this is not a failure but a life experience.” Life involves gaining experiences and learning from detours. It may be only the poster who perceives this as a “failure.”
There were also voices affirming the strength of the daughter’s will, saying, “She is amazing and has a strong will.” It is wonderful to see a child forging their own path with determination instead of walking the path chosen by their parents. We should all be more proud of children with strong wills.
The reason for letting something slip
“Isn’t the poster simply saying, ‘I don’t want to see my daughter suffer’? I hope to support my daughter as she faces challenges and be there for her no matter what.”
As pointed out by this mother, perhaps it’s only me who finds it hard to see my daughter suffer. As a parent, it is difficult for anyone to see their child suffer, but it’s okay to be patient because it is the path chosen by the child. Some mothers reflected on their usual approach to their children, thinking that intervening was more for their peace of mind than for the child’s sake. The poster also cautioned herself against thoughts like, “What if she hadn’t chosen this school?” It seems to have served as a chance to recognize her own tendencies.
“Whatever decision you make, if you consider it a life experience, you can overcome it.” If something happens based on the parent’s opinion, the daughter will regretfully think that everything is the parent’s fault.”
Another poster stated, “If you walk the path chosen by the parent, you can overcome adversity, but if you choose the path selected by yourself, you cannot necessarily overcome adversity.” It may be that you can overcome challenges because it is the path you have chosen. In the future, there may be times when your decisions do not turn out well. However, life is long and is also an experience. As a parent, it would be beneficial to fully support a child who is dealing with the issues at hand rather than regretting their decisions in the face of failure.
Author: Eien Ando Editor: Mikiko Ogino Illustration: Ponko