旦那が仕事で留守にする際、ママが実家に行くことについてママスタコミュニティで議論が起きている。投稿者は旦那が1週間留守になるたびに子どもと実家に行っているが、実姉から”楽ができてよいね”と言われ不快に感じている。他のママたちは実家に帰ることに賛成しつつも、週数や態度によって違いがあると感じている。実家に頼りすぎると旦那にも影響が出る可能性があり、両親が喜ぶためや安全のために実家に帰ることに賛同する声もある。
When her husband is away from home due to work, there may be times when Mom spends time at her parents’ house. However, if this happens for a long period of time or too frequently, it seems that some people may make snide remarks. One mom from the Mamastar community made a post about this.
“My husband is away from home about once a month for about a week. Every time this happens, I take our two children and stay at my parents’ house, but my older sister commented, ‘It must be nice to have it easy.’ Am I being too dependent?”
The poster goes back to her parents’ house for about a week once a month while her husband is away. It seems reasonable for her to go back to her parents’ house since there is no need to prepare meals for her husband. However, it seems that to her older sister, it may appear that she is coming back to enjoy an easy time. The poster received some harsh comments, but how do other moms feel about this?
Is It True That It’s Easier? Understanding the Sister’s Feelings
“I also think it’s nice to have it easy. It’s an honest impression.”
The older sister’s comment of “It must be nice to have it easy” may be based on observing how the poster spends time at her parents’ house. If the poster is actually overly reliant on her parents, it’s understandable that she may be seen as being overly dependent.
“If you are also helping out, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going to your parents’ house. But if everything is done for you, then I think it’s a bit much…”
It seems that how other moms perceive the situation can vary based on whether the poster helps with tasks such as preparing meals, cleaning, and doing laundry while staying at her parents’ house. If the older sister is living at her parents’ house, she may be even more annoyed by the attitude of the poster.
“If your sister lives at your parents’ house, it might be better to moderate it. Even if the poster doesn’t intend to inconvenience her sister, it can disrupt the daily routine…”
When the poster and her children visit while the older sister is at her parents’ house, it may disrupt the rhythm of daily life there. For example, meal times and bath times may be slightly delayed. While each of these may seem like small things, the older sister may dislike such changes.
There Might Be an Impact on the Husband Too
“If the family is excessively reliant on the parents’ house every time the husband is absent, it might prevent the husband from feeling grateful that his wife is working hard while he’s away. It might lead to a mindset of thinking that it’s okay to rely on the wife’s parents if something happens. I’ve seen several families like that.”
If there are many occasions where the parents’ house is relied upon, it can affect the husband’s mindset as well. If he thinks that while he’s away, the poster is enjoying an easy time at her parents’ house, he may become less inclined to participate in housework and childcare. It can be troublesome if the husband becomes uncooperative for such reasons. While there’s nothing wrong with going back to one’s parents’ house, it might be advisable to be cautious about the frequency and duration.
Supporting the Idea of Going Back to the Parents’ House. Why?
Safer Than Being Alone with the Kids
“I’m in favor too. It’s more reassuring to be with a woman and children only at home.”
While the husband is away, Mom and the kids are left alone, so it’s understandable for the husband to worry. Since there is always a possibility of being involved in crimes, it may feel more secure to spend time at the parents’ house.
Because It Makes the Parents Happy
“Isn’t it up to the parents’ feelings? If the parents are enjoying it, then even if it seems like an easy time, there’s no problem.”
“When my husband used to go on business trips on weekends, I used to take our two children and stay over at my parents’ house. My parents live alone and enjoy drinking. Since I also drink, they would make the food that my children and I like and we would chat for a long time. Now that the children are older and I no longer stay over, my children are no longer going over, but my parents still talk about how much fun it was.”
The older sister may not be pleased with the poster’s visits to her parents’ house, but how do the parents feel about it? Since their own daughter is bringing her grandchildren back home, they may be welcoming and looking forward to it. According to one mom, she used to visit her parents’ house regularly, and it became a memorable time for her parents.
It May Be Good to Show Filial Piety While You Can Visit Your Parents’ House Frequently
“We have a similar situation. Until the children entered kindergarten, I used to go back to my parents’ house on days when my husband wasn’t staying over. But once the children started attending kindergarten and elementary school, it became difficult because of school. Now that they are high school students and I also started working, it’s good if I can visit once a year. It’s okay to go back while you can.”
The poster may be able to visit her parents’ house frequently because her children are young. Depending on the location of her parents’ house, it may become challenging to stay there for a week once the children start attending kindergarten or elementary school. Additionally, if the poster starts working, she may have fewer opportunities to visit her parents’ house. The time of being able to rely on her parents and spend time with them may be surprisingly short. It might be a good idea to cherish this time with her parents while not forgetting to consider the feelings of her older sister.
Writer: Komomo Editor: Miho Arimura Illustration: Ponko