このコンテンツは、2人目、3人目の子どもを考える際の年齢差や子育てについての考察を含んでいます。投稿者は34歳で第2子を妊娠し、長男は小学3年生です。初めての子育てで孤独を感じるお母さんも多いが、2人目の子育ては1人目より楽しいという声もある。年の差がある場合、上の子が赤ちゃんを可愛がり力になる可能性も高い。他のママたちの経験から前向きに妊娠生活を送れば、不安も和らげることができるだろう。
When considering having a second or third child, the first thing to think about is how much of an age difference you want. If your children are younger or have a 2-year gap, you can finish raising them together, but managing multiple babies can be quite challenging. On the other hand, if you have the second child after some time apart from the first, there may be concerns about the mother’s age and physical strength, but there will be more time to focus on raising the younger child. Recently, a post titled “Raising a child from scratch with a third-grader and expecting a new baby” arrived in the Mama Star community. The author seems to have recently discovered her pregnancy.
“I am 34 years old, and my son is in third grade. Is it difficult to raise a child from scratch? Raising a child has always been lonely and difficult, so when I found out I was pregnant, I remembered a lot of things and was so scared that I shook… I thought I would give birth once I found out I was pregnant, but I never thought I would be so anxious. After finding out I was pregnant, I couldn’t think of anything and couldn’t do anything. “I am planning to go to the hospital the day after tomorrow, but I am not happy and very anxious.”
The author wrote about how lonely and difficult it was to raise her first baby. She sought opinions from other mothers and expressed more anxiety about facing the same difficulties during the upbringing of her second child than the joy of pregnancy. Especially since her eldest son is already in the third grade, she seems to be worried about raising siblings with an age difference. What kind of responses did the mothers have to this post?
Is childbirth and childcare difficult at 34?
“It will be tiring. That’s why it’s wonderful.”
“I envy you for being able to meet your cute child again!”
Carter seemed to be concerned not only about caring for a baby again but also about whether she can handle the physical demands of raising a baby at 34. While some commented, “Oh, it’s tiring!” others expressed positive sentiments like, “It’s hard, so I will surely become more beautiful,” “I envy you.” The fact that they can interact with a baby again at that age.
“I think it will be more difficult compared to when I had my first child in my youth.” But I think if you give birth to your first child at 34 and then at 34, you can still do it, but psychologically, you might be able to lower your burden and grow more. “I think you can still do it.”
The author must be very aware of the gap between having her first child in her twenties and her current age. However, there are many mothers who give birth to their first child at 30. They may not have the same vigor and resilience as in their twenties, but they probably have judgment, calmness, and tolerance from aging. Moreover, the author already has experience raising an older child. “I still have enough physical strength,” “I think I can raise children with peace of mind since I have already given birth,” were some encouraging comments.
You can also feel your own growth! Story of a mom who gave birth to her second child at 30
“I also lost my mother while pregnant with my eldest son and my husband was busy with work, so I couldn’t enjoy it at the time. But when he was born, he was really cute and I fell even more in love with him. Right now, you may be mentally unstable, with anxiety outweighing joy.”
Many mothers may feel lonely during their first experience in parenting. It’s not unreasonable not to have the capacity to enjoy parenting if you don’t know what is right and what is left and your most trusted husband is too busy with work to help. It’s not an exaggeration to say that thinking back to that time could make your signboard tremble. However, among the mothers who had similar experiences, there were also voices saying, “I started to find my child cute after my second child was born.” I was always raising my son alone, but in terms of difficulty, it was even more challenging when I had my first child. It can be easy to feel anxious and stressed after giving birth to the first child, and I still remember how difficult it was then. However, after the second child was born, although it was difficult, I suddenly found enjoyment in spending time with the children. By listening to the experiences of these mothers, the author may find her anxiety alleviated.
“I found raising a baby and toddler to be more enjoyable when I had my second child than when I had my first.” “It’s nostalgic,” “It’s nice.” When I gave birth to my first child, everything was new to me, so I was so anxious and focused on myself that I couldn’t enjoy myself. “My eldest son was also a rookie, so he helped me a lot and I wasn’t alone.”
“I plan to have a child at 24 and 34!” Physically, it hasn’t changed much. Since I have been away from my eldest son, I can spend time with him slowly and have learned a lot in the past ten years, so it’s fun to parent differently now!”
In reality, some moms who gave birth to their second child found parenting more enjoyable and could remember the difficulty of raising their first child. As in the case of the author, having an older child with a significant age gap allowed her to savor the cuteness of the baby slowly. Furthermore, the experiences and history of raising an older child are undeniable facts. “I was lonely and anxious at that time, but now I’m okay.” “I can parent with peace of mind.” You can realize how much you have grown compared to the past. Over the years. Being able to enjoy parenting and also feel your own growth is a privilege unique to moms who have older siblings.
Even if you have a child in elementary school, you are not alone.
“Was he in fourth grade when he was born?” He will surely love you very much and help you. You can trust him.”
“I have an older son, so I’m not alone.” “I’m sure he will be happy to help you, and you can rely on him too.”
“We have a 9-year age difference. I love you very much. My eldest son is very close to me and has been fond of me since kindergarten. I was looking forward to having a younger brother like my friends did. But my mother is a girl, so I’m going to do that. “It would be nice to have a sister.”
“We are 9 years apart. I love you very much. Since he stayed with me, he is the one who feeds the milk, carries me, and does various things, so I don’t think he feels lonely. “It’s a new start again,” but since it’s not the same as raising your eldest child, it shouldn’t be so difficult.”
I shudder with fear at the thought of those lonely times of parenting returning. The author expressed that when she found out she was pregnant, her anxiety outweighed her joy. However, since her older child is already in the third grade, there is a high possibility that he will be an asset in parenting. And even if her husband is not able to help, her eldest son may be a support she can rely on. There were voices like “You won’t be lonely anymore with your older child!” and “I think your older child will love the baby, so it won’t be so difficult.” Many shared stories of their experiences where their older child adored the baby.
Actual experiences shared by moms who gave birth to their second child with an age difference show that parenting the second child is unlikely to pose exactly the same difficulties as with the first child. This is because the author has endured the unique and lonely experience of raising her first child without the father and has been raising her eldest son diligently. Since the birth of the second child has already been decided, it would be good for the author to take into account the opinions of other moms and approach her pregnancy with a positive attitude.
Written by: AKI, Edited by: Miho Arimura, Illustrated by: Ponko