一人っ子の母親が、高校生になった息子との関係について考える。子育てが終わりに近づいていると感じつつも、食事の準備や制服の準備など息子のためにやることがまだある。母の日に感謝を求めるわけではないが、少し孤独を感じる。息子は母の日に関心がなく、母親としての自分を再確認する機会となる。母の日に関連したSNS投稿で悲しい気持ちになり、楽しい母の日を過ごす人を羨ましく思う。友人からのアドバイスに助けられる。
I am a mother of an only child. My son is becoming a high school student and can now think and act on his own for the most part. I wonder if “parenting” is coming to an end soon… I think about it every day. However, there are still things I need to do for my son, like preparing meals, packing his lunch, and ironing his uniform shirts. It’s not that I want gratitude, I’m just doing it because it’s natural. However, I feel a little lonely and angry at the idea that “Mother’s Day = a day to express gratitude to mothers”.
Even when I’m having tea with friends at a cafe, I find myself unintentionally mentioning Mother’s Day.
My son doesn’t react when he hears the word “Mother’s Day” on TV. From my experience as a mother, I understand that waiting too long is pointless. Still, every year, I feel anxious.
When talking with friends, I remembered when my son was still young, in kindergarten, and he gave me a carnation saying “thank you, mom”. Since my son entered elementary school, Mother’s Day has become just another day. As a mother, it saddens me to see sparkly Mother’s Day-related posts on social media.
I think I’m a problematic mother even without being forced. However, just the mention of Mother’s Day makes me very sad every year. I try not to expect too much, but I don’t really have high expectations… I envy those who are enjoying a “Happy Mother’s Day”. The Mother’s Day that I thought I had completely erased from my mind disrupts my feelings. My friends listened to my inner voice and gave me good advice with a smile.
To be continued in [Part 2].
Original: Mamasta Community Script: Tae Watanabe Illustration: Ontama Print: Miyabi