There are many people who think their grandchildren are cute, but that doesn’t always mean they will go and play with their grandchildren. Also, there are cases where the treatment of grandchildren differs between their biological parents and their in-laws. A mother in the Mamasuta community made a post which said:
“My parents take the children to amusement parks and zoos, but my in-laws never take them anywhere. So, it seems like they are not liked by their grandchildren. Do your in-laws take your children to various places?”
In the case of the poster, her biological parents take her children out to play, but her in-laws don’t. Because of this, it seems like the children aren’t very close to their in-laws. There may be circumstances with the in-laws but the poster wishes to create memories with her children. How about other mothers and their in-laws?
Do your in-laws take your children out to play?
“They don’t interact much on a regular basis, but they take us on an overseas trip once a year. It’s a really good balance.”
“They take our children for light mountain climbing, hiking, events, which is appreciated. But they are over 70 years old, so I’m starting to worry about active things.”
One mother’s in-laws take them on an overseas trip once a year. It seems like they are in-laws who have always enjoyed traveling. They may feel that it’s more fun to create memories with everyone. There are also in-laws who invite the children to do active things like climbing and trekking. The activities the children engage in will change according to the age of the in-laws, but it seems like experiencing various activities will be a good experience for the children.
Reasons why in-laws don’t take the children out to play
“It must be tough for old people to deal with children. Grandparents’ house is fine for kids to spend time as they like without getting scolded.”
It’s possible that the in-laws aren’t taking the children out to play not because they “don’t want to” but because they “can’t.” As they age, their physical strength may weaken, and they may experience pain in their legs or lower back. Even if they were to look after the children, they may have concerns about whether it’s safe for them to play. They may avoid taking the children out just in case something happens.
Consideration for the mother
“Is there a possibility that they are refraining from getting involved because you’ve never asked them to?”
It’s possible that the in-laws think the mother doesn’t want them to play with the children. Even if that’s not what the mother thinks, the in-laws may be overthinking. Perhaps this is the in-laws’ consideration so as not to do anything the mother wouldn’t appreciate. It might be a good idea for the poster to ask the in-laws to take the children out to play.
Some mothers don’t want their in-laws to take the children out
“I don’t want them to take them out. It’s impossible for them to protect the energetic children in case something happens.”
While some mothers feel dissatisfied because their in-laws don’t take their children out to play, there are others who don’t want them to. Concerns about the in-laws’ physical strength and their inability to handle unexpected events seem to be a big concern.
“When I gave birth to my younger child, my husband took the kids to his parents’ house during my hospital stay. At that time, my father-in-law took my eldest son fishing early in the morning and got into a minor accident on the way back (clashed with a guardrail). I freaked out and don’t want them to take them out anymore.”
Additionally, there’s a case where the mother’s father-in-law caused a minor accident while fishing with the child. It was fortunate that it was a minor incident, but the mother can’t help but think that she wouldn’t want to leave her children with them any longer if it had been a major accident.
If you invite your in-laws, they might be willing to take the children out to play
“If you want your in-laws to take them out, they will be happy to do so if you invite them.”
It’s possible that the in-laws have concerns about their physical strength and consideration for the mother, and that’s why they can’t invite themselves to take the children out to play. There may be concerns among the in-laws about what might happen to the children if something goes wrong. If the mothers want their in-laws to take their children out to play, it may be smoother for the mothers to invite them rather than wait for the in-laws to take the initiative. It would be good for the mothers to plan for playing with their in-laws and children while taking into account the feelings of both parties.
Text by Komomo, Editing by Miyabi, Illustration by Mamemi