Even in households where moms usually do the shopping, there are times when they ask their husbands to do it. However, it seems that the husbands don’t always buy the items the way the wives expect, as one mom in the Mama Star community shared in a post:
When I ask my husband to do the shopping, he only buys what I requested. Yesterday I was planning to make hot pot, and I asked for Chinese cabbage and tofu, but he only bought those two items. I give him plenty of money. If it were me, I would buy other cheaper items and if there was nothing in the fridge, I would buy something else to eat besides hot pot. I feel like he lacks imagination or doesn’t consider household chores as his responsibility. Do I have to give him detailed instructions like this every time, even though he’s a grown man? If I’m the only one making an effort, the household won’t run smoothly.
The poster was disappointed to find out that when she asked her husband to buy the necessary Chinese cabbage and tofu for the hot pot, he didn’t buy anything else. She was expecting him to buy items that would taste good in the hot pot or any good deals, so she was let down. She seemed to have wanted him to use his imagination more and be more considerate. Various opinions from other moms have been shared in response to this post.
Disappointed with Shopping Only According to Instructions!
I understand how the poster feels. Only getting praised for buying exactly what was asked sounds like something only a child would do. As an adult, can’t he think to buy some other ingredients that would taste good in the hot pot or put more care into it?
Bringing back only what was instructed could be perceived as lacking the thought of making the hot pot more delicious. It seems like the frustration and loneliness come from the lack of effort to make the family’s hot pot taste better.
Reasons Why Husbands Only Buy What’s Asked
Being Scolded in the Past
Perhaps there is reasoning or past experience for the husband buying only what was instructed.
“Did you ever get angry when your husband bought something other than what you asked for?”
Maybe the husband has had an experience where he bought something other than what was instructed and got scolded by the poster. He might feel like he took the trouble to buy something and then got scolded, so it seems like that would make him not buy anything else other than what was instructed.
Not Knowing if It’s a Good Deal
“I think that people who don’t usually shop may not know if something is cheap. My husband has no idea about the price of rice, seasonings, vegetables, or meat.”
If someone doesn’t usually do the shopping, they may not know the market price. Good intentions may lead them to buy something that is not actually cheap, and it may even be more expensive than usual. The husband might not be able to judge whether something is a good deal, and that could be why he “couldn’t buy” things other than what was instructed.
Some Opinions: The Poster’s Husband is Enviable!
The poster is disappointed with the fact that her husband only buys what was instructed, but it seems that there are situations where the opposite is true as well.
“I would envy the poster’s husband. I would be troubled if things I didn’t ask for were bought. It’s a waste of money to buy things that no one in the family will eat, so a husband who only buys what was requested is the best.”
“In our case, it might be irritating! It would be fine if he only bought what was requested, but instead he buys things on sale, foods that are troublesome to cook, and rare vegetables that the kids won’t eat.”
There seem to be situations where moms are puzzled by husbands who also buy items other than what was instructed. If things that are not used for cooking or that no one in the family eats are bought, it ends up being a waste of money. This makes them wish he wouldn’t buy things on his own without thinking about it.
Is it Necessary to Give Husbands a Certain Amount of Instructions?
“I think husbands don’t buy more than what’s instructed because they don’t know what’s in the house. They need specific instructions to understand.”
“When I ask my husband to do the shopping, I write down the items I want him to buy.”
If husbands don’t usually cook, they might not know what’s in the house or what’s necessary for a meal. So he might only buy what’s instructed to avoid waste. On the other hand, many moms seem to feel irritated by husbands buying items not instructed. Understanding and aligning each other’s feelings about what they want to be bought and what not might be a good idea. But even then, it seems like the spouse giving a list of items to buy when asking for help with shopping would be a good idea. It might be irritating to have to go that far, but it might be less stressful than regretting after the husband comes back from shopping.
Article by Komomo / Illustration by Mamemi